Bristol Baby Maybe

blog #30

2010-09-19T07:06:00.001-07:00

pee on the floor..

bristol baby moved to denmark and is www.maddendie.tumblr.com

dont pee on the floor.

blog #29

2010-08-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

life is like a sunday morning

it's slow and the air is heavy. weary walking up hills. and you want to photograph everything. on ordinary streets the ordinary becomes interesting. water, soapy and dirty, comes running out onto the pavement from behind the door of the pub garden and you want to film it because it's beautiful.

the dog doesn't understand.
i don't understand what this state is. i feel like im mourning a part of myself that i cant identify.

so you take the dog home so he doesn't have to be alone in his house, and instead he sits on the floor, head between paws and watches the door.

you bore him so he walks away and watches the bathroom instead.
you can hear the noises of other people living and bathing and working.

but you're barely alive.

blog #28

2010-07-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

blog #27

2010-07-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

so here goes.. ive been walking west, so now i'm going east..

put me down for a fail this evening..

blog #26

2010-07-12T15:48:00.000-07:00

im sat here with a sleeping amy next to me. she had a pan of boiling hot oil explode in her face last night and is burnt and paining and i dont want to wake her up. she is half sleeping on a sheet that i sleep in - its too warm for a duvet so we're using that as a pillow.. so ive been knocking about the internet for a long time but i think i should move now and go to sleep too. laundry day tomorrow..

:)

blog #25

2010-06-20T01:37:00.000-07:00

" If it was too small you would have no problem shrinking it. When something is too big the laws of the universe determine that the difficulty in shrinking it directly correlates with your desire to do so. It's called Sod's Law."

Going to Glastonbury Festival in two and a half hours..

blog #24

2010-06-16T01:58:00.000-07:00

"Imagine a ruin so strange it must never have happened. First, picture the forest. I want you to be its conscience, the eyes in the trees. The trees are columns of slick, brindled bark like muscular animals overgrown beyond all reason. Every space is filled with life: delicate, poisonous frogs war-painted like skeletons, clutched in copulation, secreting their precious eggs onto dripping leaves. Vines strangling their own kin in the everlasting wrestle for sunlight. The breathing of monkeys. A glide of snake belly on branch. A single-file army of ants biting a mammoth tree into uniform grains and hauling it down into the dark for their ravenous queen. And, in reply, a choir of seedlings arching their necks out of rotted tree stumps, sucking life out of death. This forest eats itself and lives forever. "

The Poisonwood Bible - Barbara Kingsolver

The only part that captured me

blog #23

2010-05-12T08:09:00.001-07:00

ive been watching the new videos of the new prime minister and deputy prime minister. a history making david cameron and nick clegg, and they both look so comfortable and friendly with each other. its odd. the thing that stood out for me the most is the way that david cameron says 'come back' to nick clegg in THIS VIDEO HERE. its really odd. almost like nick has a lot of power in that relationship. or that what nick thinks about him is important to david. i almost cant explain it. odd though.

anyway, im off to the post office..

blog #22

2010-05-07T11:45:00.000-07:00

'say too much but give nothing away. life is full of mundane things, and those who care will stay long enough to hear the interesting stuff too. '

is that too emo and posey? does that really matter?

i hadnt heard from my girlfriend in a while and there was a little part of me waiting to hear the knock on the door and finding out she had got on the train to surprise visit me.

alas no. no such luck. unless her train gets in right about now.. but i think not.

my dad is home now. saw his car out the window - mad that i just glanced up at the precise moment he happened to be driving on the very small stretch of road i can see from here.

so the tories nearly got in. being a mini person while thatcher was in, i dont fully comprehend the evil that is the conservative party, but from what i do know, the fact that so many people even voted for them should be enough to make a lot of people with leave the country, or go into the garden with a spade and start burying themselves.

anyway, i dont have much to say on the matter, except that i'm tired from staying up to watch the coloured numbers on the bbc website change. life goes on. probably.

blog #21

2010-04-23T12:37:00.000-07:00

im in a book group. i'm not a reader. i spend most of the 6 weeks between meets trying to avoid reading the book i have to. until the last few days when i attempt to cram, only to have to turn up with a book half finished and listen to them talk about how good the ending is.. i only managed to finish one - the noughtie girls guide to feminism, and i only finished that because i was indignant about how crap an experience reading the whole book actually was.

but my point is, my reading group is on monday night, and i have only just sat down to start reading it. its friday night. and im on page 72 out of 238.
i watched it get dark on my pages.

working tomorrow at a gardening place - ive done some volunteering there that involved actual gardening, but i think tomorrow is helping out in the cafe. they grow their own food and while i was watering the plants, i had a cheeky nibble on their tomatoes - huge red juicy delicious things. even more huge than your average tomato, not bad for a railway station.

today also helped me clear 5 gb of space on my laptop, just by deleting small things i dont need and some of my extensive photograph collection. my laptop hard drive now reads a little something like this..

blog #20

2010-03-22T14:41:00.000-07:00

the city is alive and i'm watching it flow,
i'm on saturday night and with nowhere to go.
down at the end and my fingers are cold,
still desperately young and a little bit old.

blog #18

2010-03-18T03:34:00.000-07:00

am i allowed to like this?

giving rise to a whole new selection of dressing up outfits...

blog #17

2010-03-02T12:27:00.001-08:00

also, my girlfriend is amazing.

there is absolutely no way that she is holding a gun to my head.

:)

*opens and takes a sip from purdey's bottle and licks lips*

amy: 'nice?'

me: *thoughtful pause* 'its like being a plant'.

blog #16

2010-02-27T18:53:00.000-08:00

its 02:54, and i clearly should be asleep. but i am enjoying the nice weight off my feet at the end of a night sensation, and the hot water bottle.. and i feel oddly not tired, even though i'm exhausted.

its been a peculiar night, out with chris, marcus, jon and richard. nice.. but reminds me not so stay til the end of the night, especially if marcus is drunk. he was wasted.

also, i have been called a boy three times this evening. once by a girl who i challenged and she just carried on yapping.. once by a gay man from hungary who decided that even though he was gay, he still liked me. and once by a taxi driver who said 'yes lads'. but he can be forgiven. the scary was the hungarian.

we were in a man bar where i was the only one who had breasts (though some of the men possibly could have done), and the female toilet was the same as the disabled one. no women. and this hungarian bloke came over and started talking to us, and i though he had realised i was female cos he didnt talk to me.
then he said 'i like him'.
one of the lads said 'maddie's a girl'.
he said 'oh no. oh sorry, oh no sorry'.
he gave me a hug and said 'sorry, i like men'.
i said 'its ok, i like women'. and we all laughed, ha-de-ha..
then when everyone else wasnt listening, he said 'even though you are a girl, i still like you. you are beautiful'.

so i moved around the table.

this woman was hitting on me in the club we ended up in cos marcus was talking to her friend, and we were roughly dancing next to each other, and she started getting a bit close, so i gave my best 'piss off' signals and looked at marcus. marcus had evidently been talking to this womans friend, as they left pretty fast.
i went to talk to marcus and he said 'its nothing to do with you, they just dont know youre untouchable'.

then later this woman and all her friends came and danced right in the centre of our circle/mess for some reason i couldnt work out. but i think it was a power thing for her. anywho, i made a point of dancing the same with richard and then all of us moved, and i left soon after. enough of the drunk marcus and silly women and lesbian politics. but i think i made a good impression on the gay scene tonight, not. marcus is a drunken loony.

but im glad im home and now to bed,

blog #15

2010-02-24T08:36:00.000-08:00

here i am sat in the cafe, hanging out and trying not to go home cos i know that i wont be in any way productive if i do. but hell it still feels a little bit weird sitting here and typing, trying to think of things to say about the people in here. a photographer has been in today and she had been taking photos (obviously) of the cafe and the employees of the church, as well as boss woman. she spent the morning going on and on about how much she hates having her picture taken and being funny about it, but she had made herself up all pretty and had a flower in her hair and everything. and she smiled beautifully when she was being photographed. she loves it really. funny really. but also slightly annoying, to be honest. hell, she is always annoying, but i don't think im allowed to talk about that. i think that im being photographed right now, cos im sitting at a table (all pretty with a tablecloth and flowers on it) drinking tea with my apple laptop. if theres one thing about apple laptops, they do photograph well. i don't think i mind though, to be perfectly honest.

i have a presentation tonight, and i used the office printer (that belongs to the church) to print off my words document of all the things i wish to say along with my powerpoint. using church property to print off my research about the representation of lesbians and bisexual women in the media. personally, i think its hilarious.

i feel a bit scared of it really, but i also know its going to be fine. i know what im saying and its gone down ok the last two times. though the first time, someone attacked me because i had included some pictures of diva magazine, the only mag for lesbians and bisexual women in the mainstream (i.e.. whsmiths), as the magazine itself isn't a good example of proper representation of women - they airbrush too.

but i do think i digress.

one of the things that i dislike most about boss woman and her behaviour in the cafe is that while im serving a customer (or trying to serve one) she has this habit of butting in and talking about whats tasty on the menu, like 'the soup is nice'. and i hate it. i feel like it really undermines me, not to mention how much it irritates the fuck out of me on a personal level.

and earlier today, boss woman basically pulled me aside and told me she thought it would be a good idea if only one of us spoke to a customer, as its not good having them being talked to by 2 people. and i had to leave the situation and go and swear in the storeroom. oh my god.

incredible.

my random act of kindness today - refilled a mothers finished fresh mint tea so she would have something to be drinking as she sat next to her sleeping child on the sofa. theyre both sat on the sofa the other side of the open lid of my laptop.

and tim, mr in charge man just came to see what i was doing. impressive he said. so i minimised this document on textedit, i did. cant have mr boss man seeing my thinking.

the flowers next to me are quite nice. i found it hilarious to watch the process of taking pictures of the cafe. they slowly gave the whole place a makeover and put tablecloths on and fresh flowers on the tables and boss woman made a few dishes to be photographed as examples of the food and the care and precision she took was brilliant. they were works of art. i really don't see the point of that unless you actually plan to make each dish exactly like that. its almost false advertising.

anywho, ive been here half an hour now. and i should go home via a place (any place goddammit) that sells painkillers. i got some paracetamol in tesco earlier today and they were in gelatine capsules. :(

blog #13

2010-02-09T10:47:00.000-08:00

tuesday today. had my actual real last day of working just with luke, as the boss is definitely back tomorrow. we'd thought friday was the last day but then the other bloke decided to take a day off and i was called in to work today. which was good. i would have spet the day not doing much and instead had a good, largely productive day. and i made a whole 77p in tips..

i havent really written for a while. the last post, number 12, i published today as it was a draft from ages ago i started but never continued.. it feels like i have loads of things ive wanted to write in here though.. i have a few things written in my notebook, stuff i write down so i remember it.

a man came into the cafe last friday. he was the only person at the counter and he asked for a coffee. i made one and he paid, and i gave him his change. there was a gap and he said 'im 61'. i didnt know what to say to that so i sort of made a noise. and then he said 'i wish i was 18 again. i'd do everything right this time'. it was a heartbreaking moment, and he carried on putting sugar and milk in his coffee and then said 'ive been through 60 winters. there's snow due next week'. and he wondered off.

reminded myself of a man who came in last week (wednesday i think) who asked for a cappuccino and asked me if he was allowed to put sugar in, if it was the 'done thing'. i told him that was fine and we smiled. and then ten minutes or so later, he brought his cup back, still half full, and said 'i have to go and i haven't had time to finish it. there's nothing wrong with it, i just have to go'. i offered to put it in a takeaway cup but no, and off he went.

anywho, one of the things i wanted to write about was the anti-tesco in stokes croft meeting i went to last night. a lot of people turned up, about 250 i think, and we stood and sat in the steady warming room discussing plans for action. at one point, one of the speakers said it doesnt matter if you cant do a lot, but that getting involved is great, and someone from the crowd shouted 'every little helps'. summed up really.. was a good meeting, and i chose to get involved with the group going door to door in stokes croft to get a percentage of people who oppose this tesco being built. run by a woman called marmite wearing a trilby, we talked about who lives where, and how best to organise. then we regrouped again and the conversation went a little like this.
speaker woman - 'a man has just given me a cheque for £500, so now we have the money to do this. and he has said if we run out, to go and see him for more'
woman in crowd - 'is he married?'
speaker woman - 'he is now'
man in crowd - 'no he works for sainsburys'
*laughter*

...

what is amusing now is that i have talked shit about work and the tesco meeting and all other things in my head i had wanted to let out have gone into some form of hibernation, and now i dont know what to write. and i dont have any funky pictures i can put in this post. hmm, maybe i do actually. typed into my search bar at the top of firefox is 'jesus in a kit kat'.. i recommend typing this into google and clicking on the top 5 places jesus had appeared. the last one is amusing..

anywho, i think i should bugger off and drink tea. or something. heh.

blog #11

2010-01-19T02:31:00.000-08:00

so im sat here, in my bed, covers drawn up, merrily uploading attachments to googlemail conversations. i do not wish to log into my blog because the email is different, so im in textedit. the place i use to open my mind up to the page. the attachment isn't attaching.. reattach. solve my problems googlemail.

yesterday was a mad day. i shall look back with fond amusement, but it was a little bit insane. i woke up and started with preparations for the reps of women in the media presentation i had to put together for the evening. it was around the time i was printing off election registration forms and chords that i noticed my laptop was turning itself off, rather than going to sleep, when i unplugged the charging cable. so i looked at the battery and it was completely dead. so i left the house immediately to go to the apple store. i caught myself an apple man who looked up my receipt online and said
'your warranty has expired'.
'are you joking?'
'no' fiddles around with computer.
'why has my battery died?'
'im not allowed to answer that'.
he then said he could book me in for a genius appointment, so i said ok, and the earliest was after 7, so i said 'i have a really important presentation at 7 and i need my laptop'. he said he would ask the geniuses what they would do, and went away.
he came back several minutes later and muttered 'we're going to try and get around the warranty' and told me to sit tight.
then he came back a few minutes later and said 'i just need to the repair code for the last one and we'll sort the paperwork out'.
so he phoned a genius and told him the code and then went away to get paper. which i signed and then he handed me my sexy new battery.

so i came home and continued with my workings. i got the presentation sorted and watched being human and ate a lot of tomato sandwiches. even though each one was a torturous reminder that my girlfriend wasn't making them for me. i then made silly decision to eat more pasta then could actually fit, but hell it was tasty..

and off i went into feminist presentation land, and we sorted out tecky fun, and ended up having to convert things to run on a p.c. because we didnt have the right cables after all. but it was all sorted out when we started and it all went to plan. relief. and afterwards, jess asked if i would like to come for a cup of tea sometime, and said i would love to. then she said 'what are you doing now?'. as we were all standing around, alex who did a thing on sports came over and said i was very witty and had i ever done stand up, cos she'd done a stand up workshop for women and thought i would enjoy it and could she put me in contact with her friend cos i was apparently very funny and made people laugh with my talkings.. made me smile like i imagine a cheshire cat would, if it were in wonderland.. anywho, we then left and i visited jess and her bloke in a cool little flat on stokes croft, and had tea and chats and laughs. was lovely. and then i walked back and saw a fox - i like seeing them, but only when im outside. otherwise they freak me out for some reason.

but it was a good day that followed an awesome weekend. the weekend belongs in my diary, but it was really good.. just about stopped aching from dancing on saturday night..

bring on tuesday..

blog #10

2010-01-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

good evening my fine feathered friends.. not sure why that just came into my head, but hell.. who cares anyway.. the last two days ive been at work all day, and working in a vegetarian cafe attached to a chruch makes you realise that people are odd. or rather, i had worked this out long before working there, it has just reaffirmed it. such strange interactions with customers.

we had a couple yesterday who sat at the table closest to the kitchen despite the fact that it had stuff on (a game of jenga and luke's soup). this isnt that weird. but the place was about 80% empty. and they were rude.

today we had a man order falafel - salad and falafel in pitta bread. he opened the pitta and ate all the salad out of it like it was a plate. and left the bread! why?! its so soft and lovely. i have had pitta for both my meals so far today. i still have one left so i might make it a pitta day. the point is, theyre nice. and if its a diet thing - wheat stuff - he should ask for salad with falafel! luke was equally horrified. some people are weird. and i am going to illustrate this point by our potato graveyard making skills, born out of boredom..

but today was better than yesterday in terms of business i think. we made exactly 100 pounds yesterday. exactly! we take money like £5.25, and £1.75, and we made an exact number. but the till was down a pound, so it was £99 sadly. but today was more busy. slow start but it picked up.

just sitting at my laptop trying to deal with the large number of emails coming through with excuses and chats about the presentations on monday. i have to have them all emailed to me (9 of them) so i can format the lot. deadline was today. i have received 2. bah. it will be a miracle if it all goes smooooothly.

anywho, i waffle like a waffle..

so long..

blog #9

2010-01-09T14:49:00.000-08:00

06 jan 10

my eyes wander across the pages,
restlessly taking in fragments.
the flick of an arrow and i tire, its all close for now
and our smiling faces fade
leaving the contented half glow of mine.
an empty image looking back.
and so i wonder with my bottle in search of warmth.
avoid the white, its new here.
my blood boils. or maybe its the kettle.
but i fill the bottle and remove the light
and retreat into my soft.

blog #8

2010-01-07T13:28:00.000-08:00

many things to write perhaps. its amazing what a few bits of paper can do to change the feel of a room. i have these three pictures. theyre from when the guardian used to print photos that people sent in. there were three that i picked out over my time at sixth form, and put them on my wall. and ive had them ever since, and have been putting them on my wall each place ive lived. and its taken me 6 months to do it here. but now i have and it feels like i live here. funny really.

finished true blood. two series in 5 days. it was gripping enough to make me rush through it just to get to the end. final episode - the only one ive watched today. 55 mins long or so and it felt like a lifetime. was good though. they have a slightly annoying tendency to put massive cliff hangers at the end of each episode, and this one was the same, even though it was series end. harsh.. throughout, the vampires had the best lines, though the dim brother of the main character had some classy gems.. my favourite though was a scary blonde vamp dude calling two little children 'teacup humans'..

also, tonight i have reasserted my belief that vegan pancakes are more tasty and far weirder than 'normal' pancakes. the wateryness of the soya milk (effectively just cloudy water), and the high proportion of water in the fake egg means that the pancake is water and flour. the pancake does not go crispy, and squeaks. its hard to explain how, but it does. and its stretchy. like goo. fried goo. i had two with cheese (not so vegan huh), one with chocolate spread (vegan yeah), and two with lemon and sugar. were nice.

my dads painting the living room. it is an unusable space at the moment.. furniture piled in the centre of the room, covered with a dust sheet, and newspaper on the floor.. looking good thought. may be having to wear sunglasses in there for a while, as it is becoming brilliant white.

for now, i believe that i have nothing else to say, other than that it snowed a beautiful amount yesterday, and is so cold tonight that my toes are actually numb and frozen even though im sat inside with the heater on. though this sort of thing happens even in summer.

we dont talk about that.

blog #7

2010-01-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

"for 12 years ive lied for you, and all you do is beat me up. im phoning the police."

and she phoned the police.

"police please. send someone to *address* to pick up steven *surname* for beating up *her name* and locking his brother out his own house. we want him removed. now."

snow is falling, is nice. here is the dog with snow on him.

the picture is no longer upside down.. so you get the idea.

:)

blog #6

2010-01-04T10:29:00.000-08:00

monday 4th january. 4th january. already. ive been watching more true blood than i care to admit. there is something very interesting about vampires.. i dont think i really appreciated the new wave of vampire interest until i started watching true blood. i also quite like the accent, annoying as it was at first.

decided to leave the flat this afternoon to post some post, and as i headed round the corner at the end of my road, a saw a woman fall over slipping on the ice on the hill. me and another man who came out the cafe nearby rushed over and helped her lie straight and he put a jumper and bag under her head while i phoned an ambulance. she was very apologetic and thankful, and her daughter stood nearby. we kept her warm and chatted until the ambulance car arrived and after looking at her, he decided to phone for a big ambulance and take her into the bri. we waited with her until the big one arrived and there was hairy moment when putting the stretcher wheely bed thing into the ambulance when they were slipping on the ice, but all managed. so i said goodbye and took back the blanket a man living nearby had lent us, and went to post my letters.

i had planned to go into town and do some useful things, like mutter about contact lenses, but my toes were more numb than theyve ever been on account of being sat on cold icy concrete for half an hour, so i went home..

and now im going to watch more vampires..

blog #5

2010-01-03T07:48:00.000-08:00

number 5. first of 2010.

self conscious. beautiful sunny day. the last of the setting sunlight reflected opposite. flatbound.

last episode of dexter yesterday. one more series left according to my internet meanderings. watching true blood now. i was in after the first few minutes. but the internet is being slow. absurdly annoying. feeling quite disjointed.. feels like another day but also the last day before its all off again. sunday. 3rd jan 2010.

the sun is fading now. and they stopped filming being human (just read back a previous post).. no such luck with the actor spotting. saw a shot being filmed though.. will be keeping an eye out for it.. saw the ad for the new series.. looking good. helped that the music was flo and the machine.. good choice :) ..

this is possible being nonsensical so i might leave now and continue my vampire watching and start eating chocolate..

hooray..

blog #4

2009-12-07T04:20:00.000-08:00

The Wave

http://www.the-wave.org.uk/with/512/

we marched and we waved. and then went back to wales. a weekend of traveling, i did more than 20 hours of traveling all together.. got back late sunday, after being on 3 trains and a replacement bus. did a lot of staring out the window..

today:
clear hard-drive,
delete photos off phone and camera,
go shopping,
warner brothers work,
tidy room.

the usual. and not necessarily in that order.

brain. mash.

blog #3

2009-12-01T03:39:00.000-08:00

i love post. i got post this morning. this post. so much fun.

also, they are filming being human near where i work, and i so badly want to see the actors, but so far, only an extra covered in blood..

i'm off to play with my magnets..

blog #2

2009-11-26T01:41:00.000-08:00

there once was a man called steve
who couldnt look down at his knees
got stuck at a loom
in a very small room
and he desperately wanted to leave

blog #1

2009-11-24T13:57:00.001-08:00

oh no, not again...